Not a moment passes that I am not reminded of you
A news story or a benign song on the radio
Make me recall our many good times
Each time the stitches of my severed heart are torn out
Causing your absence to be newly relived

I am told there will be a time when that won’t happen
That sanity is far away and unwanted
This pain is the last that remains of you in my life
And if that’s all I get, let me cling to it a while longer
It will be like your sweet perfume lingering on my clothes

My body is rejecting your loss
I cannot eat or sleep, defying the reason of life
Time floats by in consistent ticks of the clock
But I am frozen in that moment when it became a reality
The shock is paralyzing to my core

That debilitating stagnation is all I have
And when it goes away, I’m afraid of the void
Will I implode or explode?
I suppose these are worries for another time

On the East bank

07/19/2011

She sat on the East bank of the river that normally brought solace
The brackish estuary seemed to recognize her sorrows
Swollen as if to rise up to meet and console her
Waves lapped gently against a winded pier trying to rock the babe

As consolation evaded the silent river it swelled more with her tears
The sweet waters being overwhelmed with the saline sadness
And yet the beauty on the shore could not see the river’s attempts
Seeing only the blurred mix of her loss in front of her
Waiting for answers to mystically wash up to make sense of it all

No driftwood brought recompense for the void life had created
Only more questions swelled along the currents’ murky green passing
The river did it’s best to speed along so as to hasten time
Because only time could wash the freshly opened wounds
And the river felt helpless in the face of the flowing tears

The girl would visit the river many times with the same results
Crimson sunsets seemingly painting the sky the color of her pain
Every time the river would steal a bit of rouge off the crests of each shimmer
And every time it would hurt less than the last, even if unnoticeably
It was the most the river could do with discretion

One day, months from when the river had first noticed the girl’s sorrow
It saw that she had ceased crying and was still looking for answers
So the river whispered to the sky and the collaborated on a plan
The sun shined down on her face the river spit up the colors it had stolen
The sky in turn rained down it’s part and a great arch appeared to the West

There where once she saw the sanguine colors mock her heartache
A new covenant glimmered across blue skies ushering in feelings long since estranged
If only for a moment this worked and the river made her smile again
It was able to rest again at its normal level
Leaving the brackish tears out at sea and running sweet once again
The girl’s sorrow had broken like a bad fever
And the sky had taken back the passionate reds of loss

light years

01/29/2010

There was a time delay
between when I lost it and
when I realized it was gone

A star supernova light years away
drifting through time to
form in our consciousness on Earth

So too was it when I found my youth was missing
like a spare cash bill in my back pocket
on a night out with friends mixed in beer
gone and unaccounted for
into the new black hole of numbers

failed ambitions of a overzealous fool
give way to the disillusionment of reality
like narcissus now peering up from the muck
a cat with its snout stuck in a glue trap
here I sit, gazing at the shambles of life
regurgitating the cud from lessons past
only to find it tasting like the evaded manure

belly round with good living and indulgence
avarice turned quickly to bankruptcy
from top shelf to swill, the taste now lingers
if only the heart matched the pelt, the possibilities…
I won’t lay down my sword, nor let it lose it shine
my chest will stay puffed along with my chin high
at least I’ll face the gallows with blazing eyes
or give the firing squad a view into a life they covet
to live well, to love, to have known the world
my regrets are few with blessings aplenty

hopefully tomorrow the shadows will pass to sun
and the dwindling contents of my glass replenished
to sing praises with spirits held high to my brothers
and my beloved never far from my side
the fires will pass and the harvest saved
no matter what the outcome I will not run
for fire fertilizes and begins anew
the upstart of a sappling’s green amidst the ashes