free fall

01/19/2012

I was pushed out

the ripcord failed

the safety denied hope

suspended like a particle in a bog

here I fall slowly towards my fate

to rest among the other debris

forgotten decomposing leaf

or am I frog feces

either way, I will be indistinguishable

forced out to lay among the mire

when I come to, it will feel like terminal velocity stopped

by jagged rocks or perhaps a metal rod

until then I fly alone in free fall

looking at my unfortunate fate

 

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Not a moment passes that I am not reminded of you
A news story or a benign song on the radio
Make me recall our many good times
Each time the stitches of my severed heart are torn out
Causing your absence to be newly relived

I am told there will be a time when that won’t happen
That sanity is far away and unwanted
This pain is the last that remains of you in my life
And if that’s all I get, let me cling to it a while longer
It will be like your sweet perfume lingering on my clothes

My body is rejecting your loss
I cannot eat or sleep, defying the reason of life
Time floats by in consistent ticks of the clock
But I am frozen in that moment when it became a reality
The shock is paralyzing to my core

That debilitating stagnation is all I have
And when it goes away, I’m afraid of the void
Will I implode or explode?
I suppose these are worries for another time

Winter flowers

01/11/2012

Remember when I first picked you up
We exchanged stories, laughs and many drinks to sup
We were on this this ride with the wind flowing through our hair
As though we were two kids in a convertible, life on pause, unaware
And that’s how it stayed for months, maybe years
Life was full of anecdotes and nuances cheered over beers
I brought you flowers to make you remember me in my absence
You made me smile by wanting my presence

That was many yesterdays ago
Time has left the beer only as a pain killer
The wind is just as one would expect January’s kiss to be
As I say hello to the man who sold me your flowers, my heart wilts further
After all, they were my token reminder of me in my absence
Now they are my reminder of yours

Perhaps time will be merciful and let me see things differently
Recharge and reset things in my psyche
One day I may see flowers and think of happy things
And maybe they’ll auger good times and emotions
Until then, I’ll take the sweet and the bitter colorful flags of my past
As they wave in the chill winter’s air

Lost

01/10/2012

I hope the road is easier for you down your path
You forked off of mine suddenly much to my surprise
Now I am left to wonder whether there are flowers or pitfalls before us
I used to run ahead to make sure it was safe
Now I can only hope, as I pass meadows, that you too find your way there too

I am not lost, nor far away, but under the same moon
Even when inclement weather blocks the silver orb
That shy light in the corners will be your reminder that I am but a cry away from your side
I will leave this path, through the barbing brambles, forging rapids and leaping over ravines
I will do it all should you call to me, but otherwise live well, my love

I will nightly look up at the moon hoping to see your reflection there
You were my sun, my blue sky, my carefree day
As I lay down to bed alone, in the moons rays I will be with you
Hoping that you are not lost, but happy beside life’s beaches
And I’ll look to wishful stars to guide me once again near you