good timing

09/17/2009

I sat there for an hour
my thoughts collapsing my skull
like heavy boots on rotting planks
the decision was simple
the cool metal on my skin was refreshing
perhaps that was a sign to do it
I am the captain on a sinking ship
the lifeboats are dispatched
only one thing left to do
your phone call made me stop
I traded the gun for the receiver

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3 Responses to “good timing”

  1. The second line is brilliant, I can feel the weight of it. I like that you do not include punctuation, though I mentally put it in there to provide my own ideas of where the breaks are (and I’m sure others who put them other places, which is part of the fun). I’m at odds with the imagery of the gun and the ship; would it still work if you traded the gun for an anchor & chain pulling you down? Just a thought.

  2. Damn. I agree with Theodore, the second line is my favorite… succinct and powerful. You don’t need a lot of lines to make your point in this one. Excellent!

    • Vic said

      Thanks Joseph. I’ve been caught up in my jobsearch lately, but will get back to writing shortly. Thanks for your encouragement.

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